so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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