I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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