Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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