No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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