yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize