I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize