I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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