Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
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Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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