that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize