I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize