I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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