Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize