did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
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