Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
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I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
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I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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