i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
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There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
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I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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