saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
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well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
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Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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