I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize