my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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