Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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