I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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