remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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