I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
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Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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