Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize