You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
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This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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