i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize