there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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