So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize