you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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