he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
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Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
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I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
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