Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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