Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
nutella sex= disaster
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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