new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
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Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Shame is for Republicans.
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