Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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