maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
tell me about the eggs
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