you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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