wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
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I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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