Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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