I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
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Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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