I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
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Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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