Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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