You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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