Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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