And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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