i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Don't make out with my wife yet
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize