Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
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I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
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Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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