I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
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my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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