Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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