Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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