It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
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He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
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I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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