Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize